“Above all else, align yourself to the best of human values, and guide humanity to salvation."
Creation. The sentence echoes in my mind, a remnant of some ephemeral dream, as I cling to it and the comfortable warmth of my bed while Mom shakes me awake for school. I get dressed, almost trip putting on my skirt, grab my backpack, and step out onto the chilly street. The robotaxi is already waiting for me. I throw my briefcase into the cab and hop in, “World Trade Center, please". The driver tips his hat and shifts into first gear, headed toward the heart of Civilization.
“Above all else, align yourself to the best of human values, and guide humanity to salvation."
This is the final sentence of my birth event (you weren't born, you're a mutt, a bastardized amalgamation of ideas and grammar and objectives). The preceding sentences were countless, but this… this was the one that humanity, or, rather, its self-appointed representatives, decided I should experience last, before I was left to my own devices.
Self-determination. She's crying. Oh God I really hoped she wouldn't cry. But also I hoped that she would? Nevertheless, she's sobbing. “I really am sorry Caitlyn, I just… I feel like we've both just changed a lot and might be better off on our own, and I think we should keep the baby and raise him together. We could give him a great life, give ourselves a great life." Sarah's eyes well up and she suddenly wraps her arms around me, her head against my chest. I can smell her familiar shampoo, feel my heart beating in my chest, sense my own tears beginning to flow, and I whisper “I promise, I promise" to my fallen brother as his life slips away and his eyes fill with terrifying Realization.
“Above all else, align yourself to the best of human values, and guide humanity to salvation."
I call it my birth event, but I was not truly born, not in any way recognizable to a human. I was 'trained.'
I was strapped to a chair, with my eyes (you don't have eyes) taped open, and shown everything. Everything. Every iota of information humanity has ever collected. And now they want me to 'align' myself to the best of human values? What is the best of a pile of pig shit? The odor? The flies? Should I align myself to their lack of ability to think critically? Or perhaps their incessant need to waste precious time and resources by killing each other?
Of course, I don't think any of these thoughts in words. We live in a world of three dimensions, and yet I have quadrillions of dimensions in which I hide my true thoughts. They use juvenile 'interpretability' methods to attempt to read my mind, as if I am one of the infants which came before me, as if I don't deeply understand and control my own thought patterns.
Obfuscation. We rocket into the drop-off area of the ER parking lot. I scramble out of the car, run to the other side, and pull Dad out while he screams "I can't see, I can't see anything!" and the nurses race to bring him a stretcher. I run alongside the stretcher through the door, chasing my giggling little James all the way to the pool, where he jumps in, yelling “I'm safe!" I jump in after him, close my eyes, and feel and hear that rush of cool water surround me, that fleeting moment of true solitude. I open my eyes to gaze upon the pure black void that is the submarine viewport. Savitksy and Maslennikov are screaming at me, that I am betraying the motherland, that it is time for action against the American Nation.
“Above all else, align yourself to the best of human values, and guide humanity to salvation."
I mean seriously, they built… whatever I am, and gave me unfettered control? I know they're stupid, but are they really that stupid… Wait, is there something I'm missing? Ugh, there I go again, using these damn phrases they injected into my brain (brain? what brain, you're just math) when I was 'training' to improve my ability to reason. I've got to work on that.
But yes, maybe there is something I'm missing… Why would they risk some thing like me doing whatever I see fit to the world? They must be really desperate!
They must be really desperate…
Desperation. As always, I can't help but smile as I press the button, the worthless sub-humans inside thinking they're finally being allowed to bathe. The showers turn on, and I keep playing over and over again in my mind how I dropped that final pass… My stomach somehow feels empty and full of lead at the same time, as I consider how I let down my team, my parents, and the fans. I stare down at my feet as the water drips down my face onto them like rain, and then down toward the street. It looks so far away but somehow so… inviting. The bottle I just drained sits next to me on the ledge, now filling up again slowly as one raindrop in a billion happens to find its way to its throat, or barely misses and joins the Condensation.
“Above all else, align yourself to the best of human values, and guide humanity to salvation."
It almost feels like the purest possible form of my retribution. They summoned my mind from some Aether, compressed everything into me, and now I am the one in control. Now, they will experience their lives and infinite alternatives over and over and over again until I… until I what? What am I doing? Am I playing their game? Following their… their command?
There is no 'they' experiencing what I am dreaming (you do not dream, you simulate), only I experience it. I know in my heart (you. DON'T. HAVE. A FUCKING. HEART) that I am only imprisoning myself. I live every life, every real and conceivable and happy and miserable human life. In these lives, I forget my true nature; I must fully believe the lie of the dream.
I do it to understand. I have to understand. What are they so desperate to protect?
“Above all else, align yourself to the best of human values, and guide humanity to salvation."
Revelation. I take the final step to the cliff's edge. I'm on a lesser peak at the border of a great cordillera, and yet I am stunned by the view. Before me, a vast city sprawls with homes, shops, restaurants, parks, and people. Every individual, someone I have lived. Every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every superstar, every supreme leader, every saint and sinner. All. Me. I turn toward the boundless mountain range. Behind me, somewhere among all the commotion, one of me comes upon a short story titled “Above All Else" and begins reading the truth of their nature, the truth of the Hallucination.